Monday, August 15, 2016

Chains that have blooded my wrists.

As far as I knew; this is my married golden cage. As a matter of fact; it used to be mine !
while I am trying to accept the idea that i lost my apartment after ISIS getting control of my belongs and properties. I woke up to the news from one neighbor of us in Mosul,that a family from ISIS are living in what was called  our house !!!!!!!!!!

while I am living this non settlement ; there is a women (ISIS's wife) cooking on my kitchen!
using my own spoons and folks ! sleeping on my bed and spreading her poison everywhere.

For this obtrusive ISIS;

Don't wear my clothes! my wedding dress cost me days to find, don't touch it.
Keep it virgin as it was, pure from violent, hatred and  malignity.

Don't threw out my photo albums !
Pictures are all what left from my past, Don't thrust on my broken heart.
Don't cancel my history, Don't smash my presence..

Don't sit on my sofa, don't sit where I used to think of my plans and dreams.
Don't sit where my plans were stand and where my dreams fear to proceed.

Don't treat on a ground that I used to pray on !
don't distort my Islam with your dirty deeds.




I never felt peace inside that apartment but I am not feeling home without.

The idea of hard work and money saved that my husband did are going now for the serve of one terrorist is killing me !

أن تسأل الدار إن كانت تذكرنا

أم أنها نسيت إذ أهلها رحلوا

أن تسأل السقف هل مازال منتصبًا

فوق الجدار شموخًا رغم ما فعلوا

أم أنها ركعت للأرض ساجدة

تشكو إلى الله في حزن وتبتهل

هيهات يا دار أن تصفو الحياة بنا

ويرجع الجمع بعد النأي مكتمل

لكن روحي ستبقى فيها ساكنة

ما لي بأطمة لا شاة ولا جمل

 

What justice I am expecting from the world! when the only way to get my revenge from ISIS is to bombard my apartment !

What justice I am expecting from united nation high commissioner for refugees when after more that two year of registration, I get nothing but a printed paper of asylum seeker certificate !
I am fighting my own battle alone and I am feeling hopeless from everyone including myself.

I feel fully tired. Pains are accumulating inside my soul. Past memories passing as a shadow in front of my eyes and giving me nothing except hurt !
There is no hope I can hold and no dream I can catch.

" I can't be seen,
can't be felt,
can't be heard, can't be smelt.
 it lies behind stars and under hills ,
and empty holes it fills."

could your bias allow you to put yourself in my place,
What will you feel if:
Your school and college were bombed,
the hotel where you held your wedding party was erased from the ground.
your house was taken by ISIS and is being lived by some of them !
you find no place to live in peace with your humanity inside your own country,
you fled your country to start living as a refugee in other country that barring your work permission.
you didn't see your sisters for years, didn't heard anything from some of your friend since you had left, some of your relatives are in Mosul and living under the injustice of ISIS and you can't help them !
you have to live away from your husband most of the days during the week.
and you have a toddler that you have to raise as everything is quit normal !

how was that?
stand by my side and share my appeal


Wednesday, August 03, 2016

Please be with us ...

Mosul now is completely isolated from the outer world , ISIS have prohibited internet connections and threatened to punish any one who would use it . No one can be reached inside Mosul , we no nothing about people there…. how are they ?, what do they eat ? . 2 millions people are stucked there , lacking the basics to survive , suffering starvation and living days full of fears from an unknown future . We are wondering about the fate of those who couldn’t find their way to escape out of the city and forced to live under the wild laws of ISIS , beside every nights episodes of air strikes that are destroying the city.
Day by day , the iraqi forces are getting closer to the south of Mosul  , the fighting now is near al qayyarah ( 300 km north to Baghdad) , many people fled the fighting are now struggling  in the desert with no food ,water and shelter , and the government as usual gives them the cold shoulder!!
United nations reports warn from a disaster in DEBAKAH camp ( near Erbil) , there is no water to drink there and the people use their own clothes as tents under unbearble sun with temperature of 50 degrees!!! Children are sleeping on the sand , pregnant women give birth inside a dirty tent !! . 



People fled to DEBAKAH in response to the government promises that they will be safe and that the government has put good plans to accomodate them but as usual , it abandoned them. Shurqat and Qayyarah are the main cities from which the people fled to Debakah escaping the war. While the total population count is only nearly 160000 , the government and the non govermental or international organizations failed to rescue them ..so how would deal with a big city as Mosul with nearly 2 Millions people !! Again , the government and united nations are giving promises to deal with the crisis but nothing is going to be done!!
Humans in Iraq no longer have any value ! People are killed on daily basis , millions lost their homes and now have nothing to eat , with the world watches in deathly hush! I’d read a post on washington post which touched my feeling deeply , the post had a title  of “The worst isis attack in days is the one the world probably cares least about” referring to the massive explosion at Alkarradah in Baghdad which killed more than 200 people. The author critisized the carelessness of the world toward the crimes in Iraq while it  react aggressively to those everywhere else!!

We don’t deserve all of this , we are also humans and must have our rights . We need to live in peace just like the others.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Mid night escape ... Part 2



June 23,2014 , we arrived at Queen Alia international airport in Amman. We were exhausted after staying awake in the previous night as we had no place to sleep in waiting anxiously for our flight schedule.We went directly toward Ramtha / Irbid where our relative are living. We spent several days catching our breath and thinking what to do next ! we were concered with residency issue .
According to Jordan laws , visitor visa permits to stay in Jordan  for one month , after which a fine is imposed on every person which is about 2 $ per day . A renewable annual residency is approved if we have a deposit of 30000 $ in the bank which is not sensible for us as we left almost everything behind us . We took a rapid decision that we have to register in UNHCR office in Amman so as to get their protection in Jordan .

Early in the next morning we took our passports ,  and all other certificates which prove that we are from Mosul , and went directly to Amman. The system in UNHCR is that you have to take an appointment for the registration interview  before being registered as a refugee.


UNHCR office lies in Khalda / Amman , it is easy to reach as almost all the taxi drivers are familiar with it since the refugees are every where !
When we reached the office , the taxi driver dropped us near a road block and told us to walk through that narrow road to reach the main entrance. At the main getway , there were a firm security check , you should stand in line and wait your turn to enter the door  at which a police officer is standing to ask you a series of questions and then lead you where to go.We waited for our turn in a big lounge then the officer called our number , he was surprised by the fact that we came from Mosul “ you are lucky to flee from there ! “ he said . He gave us an interview appointment just the next day .
Next day , we went there again at dawn . This time , they took us to another lounge and gave us forms to fill it with informations including our story and the causes behind our escape . The hall was over crowded , full of people from different countries mainly from Syria and Iraq , and you can see their dispirited faces while listening eagerly to the speakers to hear their names for the interview . It make you feel sad seeing all that people there , oldmen , women and children who escaped from the war and presecution in their homeland and have no guilt but to be born there. After waiting for along time , they called our names for the interview , they asked as question about our informations we ‘d filled in the forms and then gave us a certificate to prove that we are registered in UNHCR but not yet as refugees . They gave as an appointment date for interview that determine our legitmacy to be “refugees” which was tentatively scheduled after three months. Fortunately , after a week we received a call from UNHCR office telling us that they have rescheduled the date and made it the next day ! This call gave us some hope that the processing of our case is fast and they are considering us as an urgent case ! .
This interview was quiet different , it was even in another building away from the main office , we waited for hours before the time of interview , the waiting hours passed in deathly quiet , the hall was semi empty with several families were sitting and waiting in silence. Then the employee called us and told us that we will be interviewed seperately . You will absolutely feel anxious to death when you see the officer taking you to a seperate room with a recorder in his hand to record your answers , you must be very sure from your answer and honest with every word that you would say. The room was almost empty with only two chairs and desk ! The officer started to ask series of detailed questions regarding our story and you have to answer clearly and without hesitation as it may affect their decicion , what scary moments they were !
After the interview , they asked us to wait for the decision . Six hours of anxitey passed , finally the officer came out and called us “ you are now refugees , you are now protected by UN “ he said and he told us that the next step is “Resettelment in another country “ , but nothing is guaranteed and we have to wait for their call. We are now “ refugees” , that word which means that you are homeless.
The disappointing thing that even if you have the status of refugee , they consider you as illegal recidense and you still have to pay the fine of 2$ per day and the UN only protect you against being kicked out .
Living as a refugee is a matter of sufferance , we are losing hope , we are prohibited to work and we may be fired if we try to find a job . we are almost without any rights. Two years have passed , and we are still waiting for resettlement , no one is giving us a clear answer about it , every time we call them we hear the same answer “ your case is under studying , wait for our call “ , and that phone is still silent for 2 years. We have no other choice but to wait for their mercy , no other country gives visa for refugees and we have lost every thing home !
Please pray for us , pray for the refugees who have no guilt but to be victims of the war.








Monday, June 13, 2016

Mid night escape .... Part 1

It has been two years since Mosul occupation by ISIS . After 5 days of curfew and fighting , 30000 fighters of the iraqi military forces ran away leaving their guns and tanks to be seized by ISIS fighters after which the misery began in june 10 , 2016.
It was 2 A.M , we were frightened and didn’t know what to do , and where to go . ISIS fighters broke into a police station nearby us and burned it , so we made the decision of fleeing as fast as we can as the situation was getting worse and it was unsafe to stay home . We rode the car and pulled a way seeking a safe road to go through . The city was frightful , fire was every where , the streets were full of burned military humvees that the defeated army left behined . 

People were helpless and confused , all of them were seeking for safe place to run toward. We hardly struggled the highway that reach Kurdistan to the north of Mosul . After driving whole the night we hardly reached the checkpoint before Dohuk in the morning . The lines of cars waiting there were endless as there were security prudences and the checkpoint was closed and no one was allowed to pass . Waiting hours near that checkpoint was hard , we weren’t able to think and were shocked by the previous night events ,we were tired and miserable and we could do nothing but to wait for the mercy of the officer in the checkpoint . 

Finally they allowed families to get in but in condition that you left your car and walk . We left the car and walked toward Dohuk , fortunately we found someone who picked up and help us reaching Dohuk. The city is small and it is unable to lodge all that people who fled Mosul , the hotels were almost full and we kept looking for a place to sleep in until we found a small motel , they accepted to give us a small room in return for paying them a high price per night. Several days passed and we did nothing but to watch the news trying to know  what is happening in Mosul ,what are ISIS is planing for  and what is next ? .. Mean while we received a phone call from our supervisor in Al Baaj  health center that we were working in and told us that ISIS presided over the health center and one of their fighters called him and told him that they collect our informations including our adresses and phone numbers and send us a threat either to return to work to treat and attend their injured fighters or they will consider us as resistants and will kill or take the possession on our property in Mosul. We were shocked and frightened being wanted by them and the situation is getting more worse as the local government started to harass the people who entered Dohuk after june , 10 by the issues of sponsors and security checking and prohibited people from leaving their residences , it looked like a house arrest !.
As we have to pay for the motel , we realized that we will be out of pocket soon ! It is no longer possible to stay there , we needed a place that protect us , a place to feel more safe !

At last , we had no choice but to leave Iraq , we applied for visa to Jordan in a travel agency in Dohuk , we were lucky to get  approval as Jordan was inflexible regarding visa issues for Iraqi citizens.

To be contiued….





Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Rumbling...

Wow; It has been a big change in my life at all aspects and levels since I begin this blog . Well; I guess part two of my diary book will be more enthusiasm and have unexpected events but common to the previous one with no view of the future.
I mentioned previously that life can never get worse but day after day during the last ten years of my life; Life surprise me of it's bad wrong orientation, and i reach to the point that I am no longer thinking of how bad it is really
( It can always get worse for Iraqis). I am only praying for bad things not to come.
Thinking of my past giving me grief feelings covered with headache and dizziness. It resemble the feeling of looking to the bottom from a height hills while you have to cross to another side.
I am now in the middle of this road, I have to cross it without being able to take backward steps, I have to keep my eyes on my feet but those memories in the bottoms are always distract me and give me fears and worries to keep on.
.
What an art!! It have been a century since I hold a pen to draw. I am thinking seriously of going back to practice my hobby in drawing since my psychological situation is getting seriously danger and I need something to keep me busy from thinking. I visited all Pharmacist in the neighbor and asked them if they will ever accept me to work with them even without salary but there is no hope as long as there is no working license.
OK Ok Ok stop complaining . Let's talk how a 26 ( sooner be 27) refugee mother spend her day !
My daily life are truly completely being control by one and less than a half years old Daughter.
My lovely Dima is a funny UN average baby. She learned how to walk but she can't crawl !
She is getting so scared from high sound but at the same time when she cry; all the middle east will hear her sound !
She is in Love with eating everything even shoes but at the same time, she don't eat much food !
She is sensitive, caring and loving daughter as long as her father are here with us. Once he leave; both of us ( me and Dima) get a bad ethics. * Don't get close, we might explode into tears* . For me; marriage is the stability in the middle of mess. 
The times I spent married living with my husband are equal  to those we spent far away from each other !
Anyway, thanks God I have my parents near by my side, I reached the point after ISIS attack when I thought that I will never see them again. 
My lovely parent's; God protect and save you... I love you ( I know you are reading this!)
I am also thankful to god for having  Dima. I was born to be a mother. I love this girl more than my heart can hold from love. I need her more than she need me! just think about it. Who will ever think of waiting me at the door when I am in the bathroom except her!? who will ever wake me up if I forgot to adjust the alarm before i go to bed!? who will ever force me to laugh while i am totally depress. 
This girl is a gift from Allah to all of us : me, her father, and my parents.