Thursday, April 20, 2017

What life looks like as a refugee

It is almost three years away from home , almost 1000 days passed and I’m waiting for a guardian angel to wake me up from my dismal nightmare and tell me that it’s over ! 
I’m waiting for a liberator to extricate me from this exile. To make me free; free from hurts, free from pain of "loss "and the pain of " lost"
I’m waiting for that day when I’ll live a normal life, have normal and bearable worries just like other people in the world. I don’t know for how long we have to pay the tax of being born in the land of war,Iraq. How long this will be considered as a stigma that make every country put us on their black lists.
From 2003 ,every day I was having the hope that tomorrow will be better, and I’m still waiting for that tomorrow to come, it must come soon as I’m tired ticking the calendar! I had a narrow escape from Mosul three years ago to find myself here ,in Jordan, as a refugee leaving almost everything behind me to chase it again ; the better tomorrow.

Living as a refugee looks like as your ship has drowned and you clutch to shipwreck to survive and waiting for somebody or something to help you, but you don’t know when it will comes ! It is really a life with endless uphill journey. You have to keep holding hope inside that you will be picked up (saved) in the time you are actually half wet ( dead !)

If I would describe my life as a refugee, I would rather choose “life of prohibition” as it’s title. It resembles a big jail that you put yourself in for no guilt but losing your homeland. It makes you feel that you came from another planet with extra powers that can make you bear this tough life with no rights.I really take pity on myself  when I walk down the streets watching all these busy people working, driving, and see the dissatisfaction on their face, I sometimes want to stop one of them and tell him that he must show appreciation for his life as it is so merciful to him that it doesn’t make him a refugee who would be punished if he works or drives!

This life taught me to accept it’s unfairness with patience, it has the ability to do you out of power and be submissive with no objections and all you can do is to wait! It taught me that when it wants to punish you, it makes you waiting for the unknown, and you keep counting the days with that bipolar feeling of time passing slowly and quickly at the same time. Waiting is the hardest lesson that the refugee learn and the only thing that you have the right to do.
I am astonished by the fact that I could cope this period of my life with all that complications I forced to pass through from the day I fled Mosul to the moment. I realized that we are experiencing “ struggling for existence” literally.




What life looks like as a refugee

It is almost three years away from home , almost 1000 days passed and I’m waiting for a guardian angel to wake me up from my dismal nightmare and tell me that it’s over ! 
I’m waiting for a liberator to extricate me from this exile. To make me free; free from hurts, free from pain of "loss "and the pain of " lost"
I’m waiting for that day when I’ll live a normal life, have normal and bearable worries just like other people in the world. I don’t know for how long we have to pay the tax of being born in the land of war,Iraq. How long this will be considered as a stigma that make every country put us on their black lists.
From 2003 ,every day I was having the hope that tomorrow will be better, and I’m still waiting for that tomorrow to come, it must come soon as I’m tired ticking the calendar! I had a narrow escape from Mosul three years ago to find myself here ,in Jordan, as a refugee leaving almost everything behind me to chase it again ; the better tomorrow.

Living as a refugee looks like as your ship has drowned and you clutch to shipwreck to survive and waiting for somebody or something to help you, but you don’t know when it will comes ! It is really a life with endless uphill journey. You have to keep holding hope inside that you will be picked up (saved) in the time you are actually half wet ( dead !)

If I would describe my life as a refugee, I would rather choose “life of prohibition” as it’s title. It resembles a big jail that you put yourself in for no guilt but losing your homeland. It makes you feel that you came from another planet with extra powers that can make you bear this tough life with no rights.I really take pity on myself  when I walk down the streets watching all these busy people working, driving, and see the dissatisfaction on their face, I sometimes want to stop one of them and tell him that he must show appreciation for his life as it is so merciful to him that it doesn’t make him a refugee who would be punished if he works or drives!

This life taught me to accept it’s unfairness with patience, it has the ability to do you out of power and be submissive with no objections and all you can do is to wait! It taught me that when it wants to punish you, it makes you waiting for the unknown, and you keep counting the days with that bipolar feeling of time passing slowly and quickly at the same time. Waiting is the hardest lesson that the refugee learn and the only thing that you have the right to do.
I am astonished by the fact that I could cope this period of my life with all that complications I forced to pass through from the day I fled Mosul to the moment. I realized that we are experiencing “ struggling for existence” literally.


Friday, April 14, 2017

A little bit of talk..



it have been a while since I found myself writing  here.
I am not ok; it seems to me that i am waking up from the shock that followed the tragedy.
Some times I keep asking my self why to be sad. it's true that Three months passed since my brother and nephew were buried, but We in the other hand are just like dead bodies waiting our turn to buried ! the only difference is with the hideousness of being died.
some died after an explosive rocket,
some hang up on the streets Columns
some are hunted by sleeper cell
Some died gradually, cell by cell and nerve by nerve as he sees his dearest place and dearest person gradually pull out from his life, pull out wholly and pull out forever.

the liberation process on the right side of Mosul is going with thousands of blood  being shed with extortion. hundreds of children are on a date to play with my nephew "Anas" in the garden of heaven where peace is doubtless and Justice stand above all.

my other nephew and nieces are almost completely recovered from their physical injuries. but inner injuries are those that can't be seen, can't be healed and painfully last forever. they began to attend school in Erbil after they lost two studying years while Mosul was under the control of ISIS. 

the problem with having all their passports lost in the attack is blocking the chance for me to see them again, to have them between my arms! is one of my dearest dreams. my love and worries about them duplicate after all what they have been going through.
On the other hand; beside needing them because I love them, I need them because I  Am feel so lonely here; I need friends, Jobs and joy to occupy my time, to keep me busy from calling on memories that I don't need to remember. to keep my inner thought calm before it will fire and burn every single hope inside.
I would rather start to talk about my life as a refugee in Jordan in the next posts rather than the suffer of people inside Mosul. I should accept the fact that I have nothing left there except my root that I will certainly love and proud of for the rest of my life.

talk to you later and untill that time;

Pray for Mosul 
Pray for Moslawies
Pray for refugees 
and
Pray for Iraq !


Tuesday, January 31, 2017

RIP part two

the military pilot get bored, he choose the prettiest house to hit with rockets

It was not clear why did the air coalition force hit the house with rockets ! why this house?why my family house?

we are living in the twenty-first century. the percentage of getting an error in hitting a target must not exceed a 1%.

Many explanations  followed the cascades; the one that I was really believe in is the one that one military officer from Mosul said; the air force intentionally harm the houses (either directly or indirectly) of well known doctors and scientist of Mosul. But looking to the other side; many houses of poor people are being hit with rockets and many bloods are shed without the presence of someone who could carry the appeals on behalf of the victims !
we are living in the world where if you want to take your right; you have to make some noise. we only hear about the victims from doctors because this is who we are and those are who we know !

Few days ago the anti-terrorism device investigate the place where the two rockets fell. they found two corpses of RUSSIAN ISIS under the wreckage of the clinics building !!!!!

So, it seems that ISIS broke the door of the clinical's building that belong also to my family and hide inside without permission but under the eyes of air force ! 

The cause of my nephew and my brother death is the one percentage possibility of error in hitting the target or it might be the unclear image from the above that make two building houses looked like a one !! I don't know if that's possible ! 
I am trying to find an answer. but whether I found it or not. this won't change the fact that two souls belong to my family are being shed unjustly.

the science said that the pain of labor is the second most painful hurt after the pain of being burned alive.but eventually the mother could forget this hurt and pain once she carried her baby !
I wonder what could ever make this mother forget and skip the hurts and pains of losing her child who was burned alive!? - Brain injury maybe !

Beyond losing the husband and son, the house, money and all their identification papers. my sister had two injured children waiting a chance to be treated and more over a broken skull ! how strong should she become to carry out all of this. 


without interring the details; my sister with her children could reach the camp after three days. the medical staff of the camp gave them the right to moved to the medical hospitals in Erbil but yet this is Kurdistan and whether you have something left in Mosul to return back to or not; you have to leave Erbil once you are treated. With this difficulties ; Mam and Dad are trying their best to find a way to get residency permission for their widow daughter and their orphans grandchildren ! 

the previous two week was hard for all of us as a family; beyond all the lost. my old nephew had to do three surgery and yet not able to use his injured leg. My sister is under medical weekly review to exclude the need of brain surgery.

My old niece "Aya" had only minor injuries, she is the only one who didn't need to stay in hospital. My parents were surprised of the way she was acting; she never asked about her brother,sister and her mother while they were in hospital. never talked about what she passed through at that night unlike her brother and sister.
I know Aya very much, I know how much she love her brothers and sister, she is more like their mother despite the fact that there is narrow age difference between them, Mam said that Aya seemed very happy to meet us after all this year and not thinking about anything else!
OR
she might be Escaping the reality, she had enough hurts and fears. she lost her father and her very deer brother and she can't accept the idea of losing anything more! after two weeks of neglecting and acting perfectly normal; she burst into crying.

cry baby cry!
maybe your tears could wash your heart from what drape on it from fears and worries
maybe your tears could irrigate your thirsty soul to meet your loved father and brother.
maybe your tears could return your stolen childhood.
maybe your tears could tell what is hidden inside your heart, your fears that you can't talk about. and your memory that you can't get over .
maybe your tears could strengthen your weakness and give you the power to live, love and smile again!
Cry because you are human;
 because you have a heart
because your emotions should not be hidden and your liberty should not be forbidden.


To be continue






  

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

RIP my nephew

For the souls of those kids whose life was not as much fair as will be their death

 I am sharing this story of my youngest nephew " Anas " _8 years old.

this is a part of the story that I will write in two parts. this is only part of what my nieces and nephews passed through. one story of many other happened every day in Mosul !

old pictures of all the kids of my sister showing Anas on the left side.



It was the 7th of January:

the Iraqi army began their plan to liberate the neighborhood where was my family house, the house that my parents built in 1982 and where I grow up together with my two sister.

 After my parents fled Mosul in 2014; my big sister with her family ( her husband and four children stayed in that house) the house was adjoining the medical clinics of my father and my brother in law.

the house is located in the main street in front of one of the most important bridge in Mosul. liberating this area was considered as a very good progress and advantageous for Iraqi Army in their war against ISIS.


the coalition air-force was participating in this process, and let us be honest, the neighborhood was liberated faster than anyone could expect. but this victory claimed on the life of many innocent peoples in Mosul/

It was nearby afternoon when all the family of my sister were in the house while the battle was taking place out; I don't know who to blame but the air force was making quick stupid decision in hitting houses just to cause the kill of two ISIS man fighting in the street ahead.

firstly the clinics were hit by rocket and before anyone could take the next breath; another rocket followed hitting the house from the back.
the house fell apart causing a huge destructive in the building of the house. parts of wreckage cause the immediate death of my brother in law,

My sister body was hidden under wreckage and she fainted out after parts of wreckage cause her a skull injury.

My old niece had only small injury as she found herself under the sofa ! that cover her body and save her. my old nephew had very bad injury in the right arm and left leg.


As they all acted non consciously in some part of the story, it was really unclear till now what is the cascades of the events but at some point my old nephew ran despite his injury and saved his little sister who was screaming while burning, in the other hand; the sound of my  little nephew "Anas" was not heard, No one could see him as the fire was extended and the dust and smoke were filling the place. My little niece insisted on seeing him burning in the room where the rocket fell and this later was found true.

Three kids were trapped in the wreckage without any adult with them, the god put power and gave the old boy the strength after he saved his young sister, he walked and searched and found away to escape. he returned back to his sisters and told them that "Mam and Dad died, we must go out before the fire expand to the whole place". in the middle of their cries and conversation, my sister returned back to her conscious, she yelled and moved her hand, the kids saw her and tried to get the wreckage from above her body but they couldn't. The two girls followed their brother and claimed the stairs and when they were in the second floor, they found what they describe as " Skis", part of the second floor was totaly destructive and bend to the floor. the kids found their way out and yelled till the neighbors hurried to them, my nephew led the neighbor to the place of his mother while my two niece were suppose to ran to the neighbor's house; in their way out; a group of ISIS ran towards them taking the little girl and ran to hide somewhere using the girl as human shield, as the neighbor followed my nephew; they could get my sister from the wreckage, and found the body of Anas and hide it from the eyes of my sister..
they went out to see my big niece yelling for her sister and again they challenge the death to survive this family. our neighbor went to where the ISIS hide with my little niece and took her back to her mother !

later; they were all led to our neighbor house. the Army sent ambulance to move them to the hospital but my sister refused as she couldn't accept the idea of leaving the corpses of her son and her husband under the wreckage but the health of all of them were not good. my sister had bloody vomit and my old nephew was screaming from hurt. we could hardly later sent them a car to moved them to a camp and later to a hospital in Erbil where my nephew had three surgery and my niece had one.

The corpses of my nephew, Anas and my brother in law was buried 5 days later as the street was a defensive line between ISIS and the Iraqi army and no one could ever reached the house.





Tuesday, December 27, 2016

the tragedy of Mosul

We don't get used to something unless; something in us dies.

looking back into what I had before the attack in 2014 and the current situations I am living was so much hard for me especially after the ISIS took my apartment and properties and I left with nothing but a paper certificate my asylum seeker status.
 Few days ago, our neighborhood was liberated and the ISIS ran from my house after taking home furnishing, leaving a boomed car in the garage!, the house get also damaged from the mortars that ISIS were shooting during the battle with Iraqi army. Hearing the latest news regarding this house didn't shed a tear from my eyes! I felt little bother and then what ! drowned people don't fear getting wet.


I am enough from hearing bad news, seeing the painful Images and video of  Mosul and I can't stop watching and following the news hour by hour.

 Do you know how awful it is to examine the faces and inertly pray this is not a person you know !
It's kind of feeling that is taking your heart away but not in the way the love does,Violence took it with pain so you can hear every beat as it is the last long lasting one.

Do you know that people in Mosul start to  buried their victims in their back yards ! painfully knowing certain families ( two family I know) had mortar shelled over them during the funeral !

Once the Iraqi army start it's attack to liberate a neighbor, ISIS in turn start to force people to leave their houses. As I heared from my relative, a man from ISIS entered their house by breaking the main door, wearing booby-trapped band and threatened them to leave with nothing , and also they burn the houses of those who refuses to obey them.
Even when one neighbor is liberated, this doesn't mean that the danger is not exist. Snipers from ISIS sleeper cells are killing men, women and children with no mercy.
ISIS consider any person in neighbor that is not under their control as a person apostate from the Islamic state and that he/she must be killed, Beside the snipers , there is also the randoms mortars towards the neighbor, there are also the boomed cars, and the bombed houses  !

away from all this unbelievable life threatening liberation. People in Mosul waiting the liberation hopelessly. This mean nothing but the fears that filling the hearts of children when they are sheltering their bodies by hiding under stairs is greater than what humanity could serve.


The current situation in Mosul is greater than you could believe. If you hear it, you may say I am over exaggerate in telling it. But as a matter of fact, I am only telling you part of the story as I am after all from Mosul, and I have a close family who are still under the control of ISIS.

you might be shocked knowing that:
- 70% of the liberated areas are extremely destroyed , besides the five bridges connecting the two coasts of the city are now out of service !



- More than 120,000 displaced people from the beginning of the campaign in 16/10/2016 !





- 900 bomb car exploded in Mosul within the last two month ! which is equal to the estimated number of bomb cars that had exploded all over Iraq between 2003-2010 !
- There are no safe roads to escape from Mosul in contrast to what Iraqi government promise.
- Nearly a million of people are now lack of food and water. People in Mosul started to drink rain water and burn their furnishing to get warm !
- the estimated number of civilian victims since the campaign may reach several thousands.
- No humanitarian organization can reach the part of Mosul under the control of ISIS ( 70% of Mosul)
- nearly 150 injured civilians reach Erbil hospitals daily and then they were intimidated either to return to Mosul or go to the miserable Camps where people suffer starvation.





One thing that is bothering me so mush, is why some Arabian news channel is silent against all what is happening, they are not talking about Mosul even in the news ticker !
Why the CNN cover the battle situation and AL Jazeera (famous news channel in middle east) Doesn't !!!
Why Mosul have to fight and suffer alone !!
even the Arabian known humanitarian organization pay no attention to the war in Mosul although the situation there is as bad as that of Aleppo.